My husband and I have been preparing children’s clothing, toys, and furniture donations for local charities. Being on the phone with people who do this kind of work reminded me of how important it is to listen.
In his groundbreaking book “Working,” Studs Terkel taught the world a lesson on empathy:
Only when we ask the right questions and listen to what every worker has to say about their job will we ever be truly empathetic to their line of work.
Today I know much more about the parameters and distribution rules charities in North Carolina and the United States face. It’s all good, as they say.
Many years ago, when we first moved to North Carolina, I regularly volunteered at a soup kitchen. One day I answered the office phone and listened to a woman explain to me for close to a half hour why her ladies organization refused to show up anymore. She told me that my opinion of her mattered, and she wanted to make sure that I got the story straight.
Did I mention that I live in a small Southern town? I was new in this town, but had a tight group of born-and-raised-here Southern gal pals who helped me understand why hearsay takes on a whole new meaning.
As the phone conversation went on, she got even more emotional. I promised her several times that if I ever repeated what she said to anyone in our county, I would make sure to tell them that she and her friends were good people trying their best to help those in need, but now that the state is regulating everything and substituting real food with packaged, unhealthy foods, she and her other female members could no longer in good conscience volunteer. She actually said, “no longer in good conscience hand out this kind of food!”
She also said, “It breaks my heart,” several times, and at some point I turned to face inside the storage closet because I was crying too. I could feel her sincere frustration. She wished it hadn’t come to this point. Volunteers in this county feed people they know well, many since childhood.
When I got home that day, I did some research. She was right. There was a golden era for this soup kitchen and other charity organizations in this area, and it was well documented in the news.
Most people in this part of the South were not happy about the new rules.
I thought about the story she told me, how she remembered when local churches and private citizens were more than happy to bake pies, make succulent hotdishes, pots of delicious soups, and even send needy families home with care packages. Obviously she was upset about the new government rules about regulating kitchens and how much food can be freshly cooked and how much must be packaged. She reminded me that never once, not on her watch, had anyone died or even gotten sick. She and her fellow members had to put a foot down to make a statement. “People in this country prefer to donate if they could feel better about what exactly they are doing.”
I told her that as a Liberal Democrat I, too, had participated in many, many protests.
I am profoundly grateful that this woman sought me out and told me her story. And make sure you check out all of Studs Terkel’s works.
My husband just made a third delivery to this wonderful organization in my part of the world: https://www.authoracare.org/thrift-store
Mary Louise Penaz 
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