Getting Back at People or Solving a Problem to Make the World a Better Place: Empathy

My husband and I have a problem where we live: our accents. We can’t hide the fact that we are from the North. 

We have another problem: unlike most of the other residents in North Carolina, we are bleeding-heart liberal Democrats. In a town as small as ours, as soon as Trump was re-elected, we noticed an even more aggressive approach by many of the locals, who are increasingly proud conservatives.  And many young people are being poisoned. 

In theory, if they become even more aggressive and hateful, it should give them the kind of money and prestige or the kind of power Trump has at any given moment. 

So they play games…

Last Sunday, my husband asked me if I would like to visit Barnes & Noble instead of buying my new issue of Logic Puzzles magazine at Harris Teeter. He needed to find a certain book. I agreed, and we were soon in line, chatting and waiting to purchase the magazines and his book. 

We stood there for a long time with no other customer in line behind us, and the young woman behind the counter folded her hands on the counter in front of her and simply ignored us. I started to move toward her, and she snapped, “Hold on a minute…” and we stepped backward in line.

We stood there for a very long time.  She looked at us several times but never said a word. Her hands folded in front of her on the counter. It’s a status exchange she has learned.  She could not have been older than High School age. 

The store was mostly empty of customers. As a side note, the shopping center was recently sold for a second time to yet another company. 

At some point, she made a grand gesture, waving us to come over to her. 

Twenty minutes later, we were shopping at Harris Teeter, the grocery store we have patronized for many years.  Plenty of our former and current students work there, and the difference is noticeable. Harris Teeter engages with the community in a healthy way that makes more sense. The level of empathy they show us is what makes us return again and again. 

There’s not much I can do to change a conservative Southerner’s mind when they feel entitled to go out of their way to embarrass people because they want to fit in and shame, mock, and bully others who are different from them because they have mistaken it as absolute power, a way to get what Trump has.  

It’s a known fact that the feeling of being powerful is addictive. The brain releases the same chemical, Oxytocin, that is produced when falling in love.

But know this: I will go back to buying my Logic Puzzles magazines at Harris Teeter. Jeff Bezos would love it if I would buy my magazines from him. We have lived here since 2015. The math is simple.

And know this: as a teacher, my heart aches for this young person at Barnes & Noble who had a chance to make a difference and missed that chance. I know, and you know, she has adopted a short-term strategy that will hold her back and cause long-term problems. At some point she will be caught.